It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
