i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
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