You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
