There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
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