After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Randomize
