Just fell off a train. Bad.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
