he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
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