Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
