Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
