thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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