Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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