and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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