So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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