i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
