dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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