Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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