My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
