my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
dude. I can hear the air.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
