He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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