I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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