Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
