Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
