last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Randomize
