woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
