when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Randomize
