I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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