he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
