in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
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