i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
