All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Randomize
