After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
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