She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
