He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
