oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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