i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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