is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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