I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
