I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
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