on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Be still, my beating vagina.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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