There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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