I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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