I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
