I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
