What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I AM VODKA MAN
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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