I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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