I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
