i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Randomize
