The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
