i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
