Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
